I have spent about 90% of my adult life single. Most of the connections I have made with men include casual dating and superficial, short-lived relationships. And honestly, I am ok with that. There was a time where I was upset about it and I did not understand why I couldn’t break the glass ceiling into more long-term, exclusively, committed relationships. Now that I am in a different place in my life, I am grateful to God for this time that I am getting to spend with myself.
I realize some people are not blessed with the opportunity to be completely comfortable being alone. I am able to discover new layers to my personality, focus on my likes and dislikes, embrace my style, define my happiness and cultivate the energy I carry. I am allowing Christ to reveal new components of my soul and making sure I am displaying them in my spirit. It took time, but I recognize no one can make me feel about myself the way I make myself feel about me. That’s not depressing or sad because ultimately it is not about how a man makes me feel, but how I feel about myself when I am with him.
When you realize your true self-worth, you are so protective of your heart and your feelings. It keeps you away from people, situations and experiences that breed negative energy. I know what I want so I pay attention to “red flags” or any signs that let me know that I cannot benefit from what that man has to offer. My happiness and identity is not wrapped up and dependent on someone else. So I am not afraid to let a situation go if I cannot grow from it. I am grateful I am not too attached to someone else that I cannot get out of it because that can be toxic. I would rather be alone than be involved with someone who cannot help me grow because I love myself so much that if I let a man in my life it is because he can only take me higher.
It isn’t always about what does someone have to offer us. Ladies, sometimes we are alone because we have to figure out what we have to offer someone else. I see so many people jump from relationship to relationship searching for the love they should have for themselves in other people. Now their identity and happiness is based on someone else. Some of these same people think that being single is a curse, when honestly they could be cursing someone else’s life. They don’t have energy of their own so they are literally sucking the energy out of their partner. Ultimately, what can you offer someone else if you do not have anything to offer yourself?
I am not going to say I have never battled loneliness. I’VE CONQUERED IT! I found out little daily rituals for myself that make it easier to live day to day. I have long dance parties and concerts in my bathroom in front of the mirror when I am getting ready for the day. On workdays, I go get a huge chocolate chip cookie from the pizza place around 4 or 5 p.m. and I enjoy looking forward to that. I believe in keeping something living in my home whether it is a pet or a plant. I have found so many new hobbies I don’t have time to think about being lonely. Most importantly, I have college friends, friends from high school, sorority sisters and close family who would get me out of a funk in the drop of a dime.
I love that I can be in my own space! I am funny. I am fun. I am creative. I am reliable. I am silly. I am compassionate. I am easy-going. I am turnt sometimes. I am a dancing machine. I am emotional. I am spiritual. I am musical. I am determined. I am free. I am alone. I am not lonely. I am not bitter. I am not crazy or irrational. I am not envious of other people in relationships. And I am OK! I am HAPPY with being alone because with God, I am never lonely!